He used to be my friend.

{ March 7, 2008 @ 4:14 am } · { Uncategorized }

currently listening to: Neyo-i’m sorry .. can’t find url, so here’s the youtube vid.

No one really knows about what happened to us, no one really remembers.Even though we started off as enemies, we grew to accept one another and become friends.

In class, he used to be the bad ass, the bully, the troublemaker, you name it. I was the goody two shoes, who always sucked up to the teacher and was always praised for doing exceptionally well for my age. As a young kid, I thought he was obnoxious and troublesome for acting so childish and always getting into trouble. Being the top student of the class, my teacher decided to put me right next to him in class. And for the most part of that school year, I always sat next to him. I guess the teacher figured that my good behavior would influence him or at least rub off of me. Of course, being the little good girl who was raised by her asian parents, to choose friends according to their performance in school, I was mad and frustrated that I was put next to such a delinquent. I thought he was impossible to be around with and that regulating someone like him would deviate me from excelling my already pristine academic record. Despite my pompous thoughts, I continued to remind him to stop fooling around when the teacher was talking. We had our differences, and they were explicitly shown the moment we had our first conversation together-the way we talked, the way we looked at each other, and the way he held our titles: me=the smart girl, him=the bad bully. Out of all the things that were different about us, there was one thing we had in common: he hated me and I hated him. We soon grew tired of getting mad at each other, so occasionally we agreed on some things and his behavior in class got better and we gradually became friends. We always made fun of each other and laughed at one another. I always made fun of his imitations of Michael Jackson and the eyebrow lift he always did, to impersonate The Rock. He always made fun of how I tried to understand his background knowledge on hip hop, rap, NFL and WWE. We still hated each other’s guts though , because I still held the title of being the goody two shoes and he still held the title of being the hardcore,bad ass, bully.

One day, he was making fun of me and laughing at how some guy liked me. The guy who had a crush on me even made me a personal valentine card, which the teacher gave to me in person. I was so mad and irritated by my obnoxious friend. Not only was I put in an awkward situation and hated the fact that everyone knew about it and was making fun of me, I had to sit next the guy who kept on pestering and making fun of me more. I cracked. I broke down into tears- fed up with him teasing me and fed up with him making fun of me. Crying in class, delaying the lesson that the teacher had prepared, I made everyone know how hurt I was. How selfish, I know. Out of all people who were teasing me, I had to break down and blame it on him. I guess you can say, that was when the bitch was born, but it wasn’t like I did it on purpose. I don’t know why I had to cry, I mean it wasn’t a big deal. I guess, at 4th grade, I was really sensitive. I felt bad, honest to god, i felt so bad. I didn’t want him to have to say sorry. it really wasn’t his fault. maybe because everyone was making fun of me ,and once again i had to hear the taunting and the laughing, but this time from the guy with the guts I hated.

The next day we were silent and we didn’t talk to each other. The teacher changed seats and I never sat with him again. Ever since then, we’ve gone through every year without taking notice of one another, without acknowledging each other, without saying one word to each other. We went to the same middle school and now, we go to the same high school. Seven years have gone by and still, we don’t say a word to one another. We see each other in school and we know of each other’s existence, but we try to ignore it and we try not to notice it. There were occasional glances, but that was all. Yesterday, i saw him again, participating for Battle. I sat and watched, he danced and practiced. He stopped and I looked up. We glanced at one another and then we turned away. I left to head home and he stayed to dance. Once again, we noticed each other’s existence, but we chose to ignore it. Do i regret what happened? of course. Do i wish that we could have continued to be friends? of course. Do i yearn for at least one “hi” from him, some time before we part our ways and the end of senior year comes? of course, i do. I don’t want to add another year to our 7 years of slience to one another and I don’t want to leave my school days in san jose carrying the regret, that i hurt him in grade school and got him in trouble over something so trivial. But as much as i want to, I just can’t confront him. Seven years is a long time, and we live in completely different worlds. I remember I was always so nervous around him, because he was the bully of the class. Maybe that nervousness still lingers with me. What’s done is done and i know that i can’t turn back the hands of time and the actions I’ve done.